YES! So the first thing I thought when I saw my book for sale on Amazon was, ‘Awesome!‘ The second thing I thought, heart pounding in terror, was, ‘What have I done??‘
I’ve never felt so exposed. All those words I put into sequence to make sentences. The swear words I tell my kids not to use! And yes – the sex scenes! All out there for anyone to read and judge. I feel like I’m naked in front of a big, big crowd.
I admit that I am worried what people will think of me based on the story I’ve put down on paper. It’s true that I’m proud of Pronouncing Enzo, and think it’s a fun read. I’ve also had moments of self-doubt since I pushed that ‘publish’ button that have kept me from sleeping at night, concerned I will have to move and put the kids into new schools because people who know me will think I’m a whacko looney for putting words down on paper that most people just don’t say in public.
Don’t get me wrong…Pronouncing Enzo isn’t pornographic or anything. It’s just candid in places. It’s not about me or any specific experience I’ve had. It is a work of fiction. I have tried to make the voices as honest and authentic as I think will be appealing and understandable to most people. And many, many people will think Pronouncing Enzo is totally tame compared to what’s out there now. I mean, there truly are some things we just don’t need to see in print.
But that doesn’t ease my feeling of vulnerability. I am a private person. I am honest and I’m kind and I’m bringing up my children to value those traits. I also want them never to feel they have to apologize for who they are or the things they create in good faith.
So I take responsibility for what I’ve put out there. I have to say, ‘Yes, I wrote that, and I stand by it even though one fictional story doesn’t define who I am or what I believe in.’
If you decide to read my book, and I hope you do, please know that I honestly care what you think. I want you to like it, to have a good time with the characters I created. I think it’s a fun story and I had a blast writing it. And at the end of the story, if you don’t care for it, if you choose to judge me or don’t like the characters I created: thank you for reading and I’m okay with that.